I used to be a blogger…

There was a time when I blogged on a regular basis, saw lots of people drop into my blogs, linked my blog from my facebook page, and utilized the social networks I am part of to spread Buddy Breathing as wide as I could. And now, well, now Facebook has made some changes, and I’m no longer visible to all my ‘friends’ unless they choose to make me visible. And, I’m just not in a place where I want to ‘work’ my blog, spend hours making connections with people on their blogs, commenting on their writing which means reading their writing so that I can comment intelligently on it… I’m just not able to prioritize it right now. So. maybe it’s time for a little holiday from blogging… a bit of a break…

Another issue that’s come up recently is that whenever I share a piece of my poetry here, or anywhere else online, it’s considered ‘published’. That’s rather annoying to me, as much as I want to share my words openly, I don’t want posting my work here to undermine or prevent my ability to enter competitions, or even submit said work for publishing in the more traditional sense. So, the thrill I’ve had for the past 40 Poetry Fridays is somewhat muted by this fact.  Again I wonder, is it time to take a little hiatus from the blog?

I’m somewhat undecided, sitting on the fence, really. Processing, listening for some clearer direction, inspiration, or maybe just a new way.

So, I write about the Top (10) reasons why blogs fail… and wonder if mine is failing, or if I am?

My brother and his wife are currently blogging their trip to Iceland… lots of beautiful photographs, little bits of words, and it works. It’s interesting, fresh every day. Maybe I’m just tired, or distracted?

I am fairly certain that I need to re-purpose this blog… refocus my efforts. I hope you will stand by while I do that. But, if not, then thank you for all your visits (all 7676 of them). You’ve inspired me thus far, you really have.

For now… “adieu“. For how long… I don’t know yet. But I will be back some day.

Keep smiling… keep believing in the hope you have… keep on keeping on. Soli deo gloria!


p.s. if you want to keep in touch, just drop in and leave me a comment… or, find me on facebook. Either one works for me!

Midweek random ramble021

1. Overheard at the Easter dinner table…

  • “I heard these stats quoted that the functional illiteracy rate in Canada is over 40%! How can that be true?” (Check it out here)
  • “It was that time of day where the land is still dark, but the sky is light with dawn… and there they were… three heads poking out of the nest, facing the rising sun… it was SOOOOO cute!”
  • “Choir was exhausting… practises, services, emotions… but we were singing this one song and all of us were swaying to the music and I thought… wow, this is what it’s all about!”
  • “What is Twitter for anyway? I mean really… what’s the purpose of it?”
  • “So, we squirted the fake poop on their pillows, then sprayed it liberally with fart spray!”
  • “Are you wearing a suit or a tux for Grad? So, do you get your date flowers, or what?”
  • “She was down on the ground crying, and the ref didn’t even blow the whistle… he said “play on!!!”
  • “Thank you Lord, for this time together as families, even though we don’t spend nearly enough time together… thank you that we have so much to celebrate together today!”
  • “You can prank our family anytime!”

2.  So I planted some iris in the garden… striped iris!  My hubby’s in disbelief because it’s just not like me to plan something so gaudy! Maybe it’s time to branch out a little more in my planting schemes?

3.  Emmy broke her toe at the dog park a couple of weeks ago. She was running… fast… and somehow got it caught on something. Anyway, her purple cast (colour coordinated with her purple collar) is doing the trick so far, but she keeps chewing on it, licking her leg above it. I can’t imagine how itchy it must be for her, and pretty hard to explain to a dog! She’s not supposed to run on her leg, even though she wants to. She can, however, leap up the stairs on 3 legs, adapting to the ‘loss’ of her limb within 2 days of getting the cast on. Wow! Reminds me of the dog we met in Cancun who was being fitted for a wheeled cart to replace her hind legs that had been paralyzed in a hit and run. That particular dog is now living a new life in Calgary!

4.  So much laundry, so little time. One load at a time, LA, one load at a time!

5.  Trying to recapture fun and humour again… and with it some joy. Life has a way of sucking the joy out of you… if you let it! You know what I mean…

Here are some photos that reminded me of goofy, fun, happy times! Time to check out your own photos… if you need reminding!

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Sunday Soliloquy

Lanckorońska as a child, with her father

Image via Wikipedia

The Nature of things

Breathing isn’t something I accomplish by my own effort
No. Breathing is hard wired, natural, subliminal, subconscious, like
or sighing,
or desiring to leave a lasting mark,
something to echo when I’m gone.

There are things that require tenacity, that fight against
what comes naturally, and that, my friend, is the
straw that’s breaking.
The ache for making a change for the better eludes and
deludes me into thinking
it’s up to me to buckle down and
try harder, to strive with more deliberate intent,
To repent.

Take for instance
forgiveness of things, like
a sideways look, or a word unspoken, or a birthday forgotten, or a violation
of my body, or a crime
like taking the life of what’s mine, or a lie
told in the form of a story or a prayer
that’s clearly crossing the line.
Contrary to what I would like to think, or what I’m being told,
I can’t make myself forgive.
I can’t close my eyes, concentrate harder and presto, forgiveness
comes like a blessed dove, and makes beauty of my broken bits.
No, the hit hurts and the blood squirts red
and I need more than a King James bandage to
fix this. ‘nuff said.

Or, while we’re talking about expectations
there’s Sacrifice and Surrender, a pair married for years, and still
making it work despite their differences.
While the world screams, ‘self-actualize’ and ‘to thine on self be true,’
these two
quietly stand, hand-in-hand,
watching, suggesting
submission brings freedom and life,
contrary to the strife of opinions on everything
every little decision that must be
made and played out, all things being equal.
No. I can’t by my own willpower choose these.

And Rest, well
that’s another idea I respect, but
for the life of me can’t get around to it, yet. So many other things to
accomplish and prove my own worth, while
my to do list is longing just to be still
and know that someone else will
pry the steering wheel from my sticky fingers,
take back the waste,
redeem the
trivial Facebook posts
twittering reality shows
and mid-winter naps.

Human nature being what it is, real life being what it is
it’s contrary. Preposterous, this
Kingdom upside down thought
that Sunday morning ideals
can root in
and stick ‘til Thursday.

And while I rant and rave
on things I don’t have the capacity to understand, nor
the power to change,
He waits for me to be still
and listen.

Lesley-Anne Evans
January 2011

Why blog?

I have a dear woman (talented author, speaker, blogger) in my life who agreed some time ago to be my ‘writing mentor’. Might sound somewhat pretentious or mysterious, but all it really means is that she and I meet from time to time and talk about all things ‘writing’. She encourages me, questions me, and even corrects me when most needed. She isn’t afraid to speak the truth into my life because I’ve given her permission to do so. She is a gift.

The last couple of times we’ve met, the topic of ‘Twitter’ has come up. We’ve asked, “Why Twitter?” And, to tell you the truth, the jury is still out on whether this means of communication is helpful or a hindrance to the writers of the world. My friend has tested the waters… rather than using Twitter to broadcast news about herself, she’s used it to ask provocative questions in the hope that Twitter can be a two way conversation rather than just a monologue. Her results are not that promising.

And, most recently, the question of blogging has become a topic of conversation for my mentor and I. “Why do we blog?” is the question that plagues us. Is it similar to ‘Twitter’, meeting a need to broadcast ourselves and our thoughts to the world?  Obviously blogging is incredibly popular, with brilliant authors and topics and blogs that are followed by people globally. According to‘Technorati’, the top three blogs in the world are on the topics of Politics and Technology.  Number one, an American news website and aggregated blog founded by Arianna Huffington, ‘The Huffington Post,’ receives over 4 million hits per month!  Now, if you are trying to have a voice, position yourself, or create a platform, that is definitely the type of readership you’d want to have.

But, what if blogging is about other things. When I ask myself the question, “Why do I blog?” I’d have to say that having readers is important to me. Knowing that I’m saying something of value makes the writing more worthwhile, of course. And, when someone responds to a blog post with a comment, well, that’s the icing on the cake. Yet, I know in my heart that there are some equally important reasons why I blog.

The first is simply the cathartic process that happens for me when I dig down inside myself and put into words what I’m feeling or going through or those moments of illustriousness where some thought takes on greater meaning. And, being able to record those thoughts, whether for an audience or not, is therapeutic.

Blogging fits into this particular season of my life as a wife, mother, writer and a follower of Jesus Christ. Publishing a book, or getting a full time job as a writer, might be prematurely biting off more than I can chew. Blogging offers a way to share my words, experiences and life with others, expressing how God makes a difference in how I do marriage and mothering and writing and all the other details.

If you’ve read my other blogs, then you’ll know that doesn’t mean I’m a preacher. I never profess to have everything figured out, and have lots of my own questions. But the hope that I share, the hope of Buddy Breathing, is all about the hope found in God.  So, if what I write here opens up that possibility for you, allows you to kick the tires of faith a bit, or even gives you a reason to keep on the path, then I’m all about my life being an open book… messy, coffee stained, dog-eared corners and all.

There is also the accountability of writing on a regular basis for someone else. Now blogs don’t carry as much motivation as, say, showing up for a job, but still, when you know that you’ve committed to blogging and that there are people looking to see what’s new, then you are more prone to be regular about it. Perhaps a little bit of guilt motivation works for me.

I’ve been blogging for over a year now, and I really do love it. There’s something about blogging that validates who I am as a writer when I see my blog page opened up in front of me in a well designed template, with words that (for the most part) make sense. Whether or not my blog becomes a platform for something more, well that remains to be seen. For now, I continue to post what I have on any particular day, and I boldly open up my life and my mind to those who care to read.

Buddy breathing has a ‘hit counter’, while my other blogs My Grace Notes and Sometimes Suicidal Mama did not. And I have to say that watching that number is kind of fun. Four hundred is a far cry from 4 million, but it’s a start.

So, for all the reasons I’ve identified, as well as some I’m probably not even aware of, I continue to blog.

Logging off for today,