Poetry Fridayo37

Broken Heart

Image by Gabriela Camerotti via FlickrValentine’s Day

Salt, scabs and lost loves

A specter of my former life moves
past me on the pavement
close enough I feel
And while I stare and will it to
look at me with dead eyes
it will not, but weaves
up the avenue
It’s pretense on other things aside
I know it feels my mortal presence
Sure ghosts have memories
ours shared are
Hawk cries out above us two
intent on blood warmed
bodies in the winter
Small deaths atone for love’s demise
in me, splayed hearts scatter
like misplaced valentines
upon the frozen

Lesley-Anne Evans
, February 14, 2011

Poetry Friday029


Rosehips remind me of Grandpa, and
how we once drove all the way down Yonge Street to
Thompson’s Homeopathic Supplies.
We brought home pills, tinctures
to prevent and heal chronic and acute ailments.
He said the bottles contained things that would
clarify the blood, make grey hair disappear,
eat a tumor, make her walk again.
He fed her handfuls of vitamins every day
swallowed hope himself with his morning tea.

Come to think of it, long after she was gone
he lived like age was relative, an after-thought.
Saw the doctor first when he was 92
wide-eyed, untouched, somewhat surprised that
there might be something wearing out by now.

I flew in from B.C. to see him,
told him I was pregnant with our third child.
Lying in the hospital bed
he moved his leg like it was still there
Kept asking me
when he could go home.

October 2010

Vacation randomness… (hereto known as Mid-week random ramble)

Things of note this week, in a rather random manner;

1.  The carton of eggs that I purchased from the Co-op, has only 11 eggs in it… a first for me. Usually I check for broken eggs, not for less than a dozen inside! Hmmm… one short of a dozen…

2. Our beach fire was stolen from us. We set out our chairs, put wood in the fire pit ready to light, set extra wood and axe at the side, went for supper and presto… the space was taken over by our ‘neighbours’ who moved our chairs and wood out of their way. Bob tried to reason with them, but they would have nothing to do with it. When Bob suggested this was not appropriate social behaviour, they said, “What are you, German?” Huh?

(After some seething, jaw dropping, perspective getting discussions amongst ourselves back at our place, we went back down to the beach and recreated our intentions in another location… it was lovely.)

3. The front tires on my car were deemed by KAL Tire in Nanaimo to be worn out with about 2 weeks of life left. Enough to get us back home and that’s about it. My car is less than 2 years old! Looks like I’ll be having a conversation with the Ford dealership when we get back to Kelowna! My car is the family vehicle… about 30,000 km on it.

4. The kids are reading books. The kids are talking to each other. The kids are walking on the beach, in the forest, in town. The kids are enamored with sea shells, rocks, logs, and water.

5. We are eating candy, chocolate, ice cream, and we don’t care what anyone thinks about that!

6. We are sleeping in, staying up late, and napping, and we don’t care what anyone thinks about that!

7. Dollar store glow sticks are most fun when joined into big circles and used as frisbees on the beach after 11 pm.

8. 3 kids and 2 adults can fit into a 2 bedroom townhouse. 3 kids can fit into one bedroom.

9. It is possible to sleep with the door wide open to the sounds of ocean waves crashing, as long as you have a down comforter on your bed.

10. Having a new chef every day adds a lot of energy and creativity to vacation eating!

11. Someone elses collection of books, magazines, artwork and music is often more interesting than your own.

12. Culture changes can be found by driving several hours away from home, not just by travel to another country.

13. Local restaurants recommended by locals can be the most satisfying to test out.

14. Two European men were found staring at my car (Ford Flex) in the Co-op store parking lot. We gave them a tour, highlighting what we love about our vehicle, smiles were exchanged and we went on our way again.

15. Patterns are everywhere when you are looking to photograph them. Textures cannot be photographed, only touched.

16.  God is everywhere, but most evident in big and wild places like the Pacific Rim.

17. God is everywhere, but most evident in the small and intricate places like tidal pools when the tide is out.

18. Blogging is still a mystery to me, who is reading, why, what effect my words have on them.

19. Firsts, like getting a poem published in a literary magazine such as Lake = Journal of Art and Environment, mark places in a journey where I can look back and say, “God did that.”

20. Vacations are times to relax, reflect, regroup and prepare for what is to come. No matter how much I plan and anticipate what I will do on vacation, I always do ‘less’ but in fact ‘more’ than what I had in mind.

Tending to things…

I wonder why it’s so easy to find fault with others and so hard to recognize faults in myself? I wonder why I am so endowed with a judging attitude and yet come up short in grace and mercy? Why do I do the things I don’t want to do, and not do the things I want to do? (an ancient question that hits the nail on my head today) I wonder…

I also find that having perspective for someone else is easier than for myself… I can look at the tapestry of someones life and say, “Aha, look at that, un-be-lieve-able!!!” and, “I can’t believe he said that!” and, “What was she thinking?” rather than to look at my own unattractive pattern of slipped and broken stitches, and take responsibility for being the one who made the mess, even do the hard work of beginning over to make it right.

Sometimes God has a way of jamming some perspective down my throat, and though I cough and choke and try to spit it back up, it’s the very thing I need to swallow, digest, and make a regular part of my diet. For me, perspective is always easier looking back that looking forward, but I’d like to have visionary perspective more often. A casual porch conversation with my hubby last night led him to voice an innocent enough comment, “Well, she was tending to things.” And just as I was about to launch into a commentary rant on why this particular person was tending to what was unimportant, why she should have done this or could have done that, suddenly, like a smack in the side of my conscience I thought, “Hang on a second… what am I tending to instead of ________ (whatever, you fill in the blank)?” It was like God tapped me on the shoulder and said, “You—follow me.”

One lusty, rugged fisherman called Peter once asked Jesus about details on another disciples life… right after Jesus had given him some very specific direction for his own life. Peter turns and looks at this other disciple and basically says, “Yeah, but, what’s going to happen to him, Jesus?” Jesus looked at Peter and says, “If I want him to live until I come again, what’s that to you? You—follow me.” (John 21:22 MSG) Oh drat… again I see that I need to get introspective and personal, rather than engage in the impersonal and nasty fun pursuit of bantering about other people’s shortfalls… Jesus asks me to look inward at myself and then upward to him… stop with the comparing game, and deal with the areas of my life where I may be lacking in ______________(whatever, you fill in the blank).

I remember reading this verse once about being a follower of Jesus, and becoming ‘slaves to righteousness’ and that really bugged me at first because it sounded, well, like slaves… prisoners, tied down, out of control etc. etc. Now I see that RIGHTEOUSNESS is a good thing to seek after, to be bound to, because it can save me from so much unrighteous stuff that is bad for me, bad for my character, bad for the people I live among. In the words of Bob Dylan,

“But you’re gonna have to serve somebody, yes indeed, You’re gonna have to serve somebody, Well, it may be the devil or it may be the Lord, But you’re gonna have to serve somebody.”

And I’d rather serve God and tend to his things, than tend to drugs, alcohol, materialism, jealousy, pride, self-righteousness, hate, greed, _______________ (whatever, you fill in the blank).

I get this picture in my mind of tending a vegetable garden… you know, the way one would carefully prepare the soil, till it for seeding, plant the seeds, water them, pull out the weeks, thin the seedlings, fertilize, water, watch and then, suddenly… fruit begins to appear on the plants and before long it’s harvest time. That type of tending to produces tasty results. I’d like a life like that.

So, that brings me back to the place where I’m feeling this pull to look at what I’m tending to and not tending to, and without disclosing my whole messy life, let’s just say I’m reminded that I need to keep a constant eye on what I choose to tend to… daily, almost hourly… to reel myself in, to ask God to help me to make the best use of my time here, to tend to the flesh and blood humans that he has placed me into relationship with rather than the tasks, or the time wasting activities I sometimes serve. Doing things Gods way means I need to focus on my own shortcomings, not theirs, and then, tripping and stumbling and getting back up again, to follow him.

Photo image taken from Telegraph.co.uk