Poetry Friday040


Image by Lou Angeli Digital via Flickr


When grief sweeps deep into gullies
and once green meadows melt,
Ponderosa sticks, flame sharpened, poke the sky.
I rush by, gasping, clutch my throat
full of words I will not purge, eyelids
on fire with memories.

When white tails leap past downhill fast and
heat and smoke snuff nests of rabbit dreams,
mole minions meet their maker.
Ferns falter, faint, and
bunch grass is consumed.
I shake my fist at firestorm
rolling overhead, like a freight train filled
with screaming banshees.

When they come, heavy with man power,
equipment, pure stink of sweat and fear and balls,
they build a line, push back. Backs aching
all night breaking ground, force spot fires down.
I lay in smoldering places, receive the
balm of cool water and gentleness
into my open wounds, dream of
snow enough to cover my dark nakedness.

When forgiveness, like fireweed, hot pink, impossible,
blooms in purged soil, I fall to my knees
in Spring rain, tear striped ashen cheeks
remember flourishing. Memory of burrows,
baby mice, nests in upper branches,
contrast of moss tendrils on stone,

I, ancient and always,

Lesley-Anne Evans
March 2011

Mid-week random ramble 007

Mission Hill Winery - Terrace Restaurant

Image via Wikipedia

1. As September is a time of ‘starts’, I’ve been thinking about how and what I’ll give myself to this fall and into the year. This process means setting priorities, considering how I can come alongside family related and church related opportunities. This is also about listening to what God would have me put my hand to based on who I am, how he made me.

I’ve been thinking on a couple of big ‘yes’ components, and as I came to a place of deciding on them, I began to sweat about having to say ‘no’ to other things. But, I know from experience that I can’t say ‘yes’ without ‘no’ as well… can’t do everything, right? I prayed that God would help me be strong and do things with right motives. Then I made my choices. Next day I was on the phone having a ‘no’ talk with my pastor, and she said she understood completely. Then she told me that two people had come forward the day before requesting to take on what I had considered doing. She was waiting for my answer before getting back to them. My ‘no’ became their opportunity for ‘yes’. How God is that!!!! Bible says He goes before us… I say yes, and He often waits for me to catch up!

2. I took my visiting parents wine tasting, and out for a lovely lunch on their last day with us. The rain stopped. The sun came out for a couple of hours. We stood in the courtyard of the Mission Hill Winery and experienced the bells ringing at 12 noon… brought a surge of emotions to the surface as I closed my eyes and listened to the clear resonating sound of the bells chiming out their song from the tower. I could have imagined myself anywhere in the world during those few moments.

We stopped for lunch at the Old Vines Restaurant at Quails Gate Winery… just down the road. Did some wine paring with our delicious food selections, and then indulged in dessert and coffee. Two hours flew by, and suddenly it was time to pick up the kids from school. It was a mini-vacation to remember.

3. I had an opportunity to talk to my Dad about something he did for me once… many years ago. It was during a tough time in our relationship, and I had run away from home over some conflict we’d had. He showed up at my summer job early one morning, and asked me (begged me with tears in his eyes) to come home. Looking back now I see that he was rescuing me from what could have been a bad trajectory in my life. He came for me. I thanked him for that and he just smiled and gave me a huge hug.

I think we all long to be rescued at many times in our lives. I experienced a rescue again early this spring after having the difficult responsibility of putting my beloved dog Buddy to sleep. I went alone… by my own choice. Laid on the ground with my big dog while the injection was given and he slipped away. It broke part of me. When I could pull myself together enough to leave the room and make my way outside, my husband Bob was there. Standing beside my car with open arms waiting to comfort me.  He came for me. And I thanked him over and over again.

I’ve been rescued in another way. Because once I was in dire danger of being lost… not because of a broken heart, nor because of a teenage life of rebellious independence, but I almost lost my life to sin and forever separation from God. But Jesus rescued me… He came for me. It says in the Bible, “But when the right time came, God sent his Son, born of a woman, subject to the law. God sent him to buy freedom for us who were slaves to the law, so that he could adopt us as his very own children.” (Gal. 4:4-5 NLT) And he’s come for me me over and over again, over the years when I wandered, gave up, got distracted by what I thought was good and exciting, and finally realized that his way was better, the only way to run my life. He’s always coming after me. Reminding me that he has more for me than anything I could imagine for myself.

So, I’ve been thanking him more and more lately, trying to line my life up with the way that he’d have me live it. It’s not easy… as a matter of fact it challenges me to the core… every day. I’m imperfect still, still stumbling about like a blind beggar. But I’m going to keep on keeping on.

4. You ever wonder about how things can be going on in the world… in this high tech, global, interconnected, news saturated society we live in… and how could we NOT know about big issues? I realize I choose to not watch the news on a regular basis. And I don’t necessarily devour the paper either. But still, you’d think that there would be some talk about things like Darfur and Dolphin slaughter and the like, that we might discuss in general conversation. Which makes me wonder what I talk about when I’m with my friends?

The other night we were searching our PPV on Shaw Cable to see what we might watch together as a family… something G or PG rated that we could all enjoy. We had trouble finding something. We came across this movie called, The Cove (click to watch official trailer) and because it was appropriately rated, and because it had won some awards, and because it had 4-1/2 stars, we watched it.

Have you watched it? Are you familiar with what’s going on with the Dolphins in Japan? Watch the trailer. Then, watch the movie. I felt sickened. I felt very out of touch. And I found it ironic that here in Canada we are so very careful to buy tuna that is labeled ‘Dolphin Friendly’ while things like this are going on.

And while we watch and judge (you know we all do ’cause it helps us feel better about ourselves), one has to ask why human beings have such a predisposition to cruelty? What other atrocities are committed in our own country in the name of food production and so forth. Is it better to remain naive? And once you know, what do you do with it?

5. Reading Remembering the Forgotten God, by Francis Chan. Challenging, good, God stuff. But, will I be brave enough to change? Check it out.

Food for thought, sorry to bug you… am I bugging you?