Tag / goodbye
What I want to say…
That Certain Sound
There’s a musical chord called a ‘unresolved suspended chord’, a series of notes played simultaneously on the piano that hangs in the air, like you know there is something coming after, it sounds unfinished musically.
Last night, after I prepared dinner, I sat down at the piano in the peace of a dusk filled room, I sat and played something I’ve never heard before, it spilled out. The melody was filled with suspended chords, the room with music and sighs and a days worth of unresolved thoughts of you.
I dropped by to see you earlier in the day, and you were sleeping, somewhere between two worlds, perhaps already there and longing for your body to catch up to what your soul has been craving for the last few weeks. Someone told me you are ready now, tired of the fight. I have seen you hero against this damned thing, seen you fight with all you’ve got, alternative means as well as conventional. Through it all you’ve dispensed hope to everyone around you, offered us a God-perspective and God-love. You’ve turned it on it’s head, your love blessing us rather than the other way around.
Which brings me back to the suspended chord, the haunting sound of music that kept repeating though my hands on the satin keyboard of well worn keys and in my thoughts until now. I found in that chord an echo of Gods voice, as if God had placed all of earthly life into that one musical chord of waiting, leaning, hinting, suspended until the day when we lean into his final resolving chord and all shall be as he planned it, just as he saw in the beginning, his eyes wide as the horizon. Sometimes there’s a hint of it at sunset, a lingering sense of it in a certain fragrant bloom, a combination of words, the eyes into another human heart. We can’t help be drawn, our souls longing for that final transformation, for release from this suspended waiting. I sense that you feel it too, perhaps more strongly now.
And this thought, this small revelation of God’s way in the face of so many things I do not understand, and the great and heavy sadness that losing you is laying over my heart, suggests that you are indeed the lucky one. As we wait in this suspended place called earth and count the days of our existence here, Heaven is preparing for you, a celestial celebration is being laid out to welcome you home, dear and faithful one.
So I think of you, wrapped in a gossamer garment of light. I think of you, dancing in the most gorgeous designer shoes you’ve ever seen. I think of you, altogether lovely and perfect and laughing in the presence of the King of all Kings who delights over you with singing. While we continue to walk this dim lit pathway toward what you will soon know beyond doubt’s shadow.
You will be in that place of eternal music resolving absolutely everything, knowing and being known, face to face with your Jesus.
And I will miss you here. I love you, my friend.
The writer and her muse
A favourite place to walk and talk
Graeme, Malcolm and their ‘Bud’
Claire’s best friend
We have been searching for ways to remember better days, laugh, cry, and lean on each other and God as we make the most of our remaining time together with Buddy.
This is our last day. Tomorrow Buddy and I will take our last drive in the car, and together we will embrace the inevitable. It’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. My heart is broken. I’ve tried to manage things as best I can, helping the kids to walk through this time and make lasting memories. I’ve tried to care for Buddy and make him as comfortable as possible. And I’ve tried to honour my own needs to be alone and close to my dog, express my love to him in word and in action, and to process everything as I try to begin to let go. At the same time I’m planning my trip to Cancun with CANDI INTERNATIONAL, to do an animal mission there with a friend and team of vets and animal lovers. It’s obviously God’s timing in all of this. I’m trusting it to be so.
These photos are timely reminders of how our pets can steal our hearts and become family to us. Perhaps pets are the only example of unconditional love on this earth? They teach us heavenly lessons. Buddy has taught me so much, even as he goes through this illness with dignity and stoic courage. What an amazing dog he is.
Trying to be strong, yet not succeeding,