Baby steps, but still walking.


Sometimes I wonder if the little things are what count the most. Like the things you do along the way… you know, the journey, rather than the destination? ‘Cause I can get pretty bogged down by the thoughts of what to do, where to go, where I’m headed, and lose sight of the things that are right under my nose. Today I’m just trying to take one moment at a time and let God take care of the big picture stuff.

Last week I blogged about some big picture stuff, and I do love doing that. My heart beats faster when I envision a great big picture, and I begin to see myself stepping out into something wild and wonderful. Then, as I begin to work out some details and the reality hits me, I often find myself deflated, less than enthusiastic, even scared. And I start to wonder if it’s what God wanted me to do at all or some crazy pipe dream I came up with. Then I wonder how I can truly figure out what God wants from me?

A friend shared with me the other day about her husband’s perspective on the question of what God wants him to do. He looks at it this way, “who cares”. WOW! This man is a devoted Christ follower, gives his time and talent and money to many things, loves his God, loves his family, works hard at his career, and when he says this, it’s without any sense of disrespect or irony.

I believe what he means is this… when you are in a loving relationship with God, and are living your life (to the very best of your ability) to please God and bring glory and honour to God, (and covered with a huge umbrella of God’s grace, of course) then it doesn’t really matter what decision you make, God’s going to do the best with it, make the best of it, use it to his purposes. Bottom line is, just do SOMETHING! Stop dithering. Make a decision.

I have to say that’s a good way of looking at things. Can it be backed up biblically… I think so. Many (all?) of the fathers and mothers of the faith were messed up sinners like me, and God continued to allow his plans to go forward in spite of all the times that humanity got in the way. Things like murder, adultery, lies, disobedience, things that were contrary to how God wants things to be, happened, and still God worked with those people because he loved them and they loved him in spite of their downfalls. He did good with them and through them. Big hope for me here.

There’s another perspective on determining God’s will. It’s the one where people pray, seek God, and then wait for clear direction before moving forward. And I know many dear Christians (some of them, my friends) who live this way, and truly believe that God directs specifically, clearly, and they follow his lead. I would never ever discount their experience or their integrity. I too have experienced this uncanny providential involvement in the details of my life that cannot be written off as coincidence, or fancy. And those times are epiphanies and have proven to be life or direction changing. I believed and still do believe that God directs in this way, and the bible is full of examples of times that this happened. But this usually doesn’t happen for me on a daily basis (probably because I can be obtuse a lot of the time).

Me, well, I fall someplace in the middle of the ‘who cares’ and needing to have the writing on the wall before acting. Problem is, that often leaves me in a void of indecision, considering this way and that way and the next way, rather than just stepping out and doing SOMETHING. In my heart of hearts I’d like to pray and ask and see writing on the wall all the time, and sometimes I’m standing in the way of that happening. Being a slight control freak type ‘A’ personality means that I’m used to figuring things out, taking charge, making things happen. Only if I want God to lead that doesn’t necessarily work, does it?

So, back to today. No big picture planning today. Today I’m cleaning my house and looking forward to coffee with friends in a couple of hours. No agendas, no life altering plans. Just enjoying completing the tasks at hand and then we’ll sit and talk. Tonight I’m going to show up with my daughter and take tickets at the door of a local benefit concert for Haiti. No wondering how the money will get to Haiti, no considering how I might be able to use my writing to help with the crisis there. No, I will take tickets and smile and thank people for coming. And then I will go home. And that’s all OK. God will take care of the rest.

I’m not quite at a place where I can say, “who cares”, but maybe that’s where I should be. If I could only step aside and make room for God to show up and do what he has in mind, with whatever circumstance I’m in, whatever choice I make, wherever I may be on the path. Baby steps with God holding my hand, walking ahead of me. Like, in the words of a song by Switchfoot, “Stop helping God across the road like a little old lady.”

And like this verse,

“I being in the way, the Lord led me”. (Genesis 24:27)

On the path, blind and dumb,

Lesley-Anne

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8 thoughts on “Baby steps, but still walking.

  1. Hey there!

    This is great stuff. I do live by God’s leads in my life (though I am constantly slipping up). You may think this is funny: my boys and I are attempting to begin our days in 5 minutes of silence…I usually do 20 minutes in the morning and 20 minutes at night by myself.

    So far, we lasted one day. Day two began, one boy joined me, wiggled the whole time and, at 2 minutes in, started wailing about how ***long*** 5 minutes was and how much torture this was ,etc…

    : )

    Cheers.

    • I like your story a lot. How old are your little darlings? Sounds like a lot of us adults, really. Even if the squirming is internal, still we wonder how long this is going to take, when are we going to be finished, is this really real? It takes a lot of will power to still yourself before God and stay for a time.

      Thanks for dropping by to share your experience.

      Lesley-Anne

  2. So maybe I’m missing something here, not seeing the answer to the question I’m about to ask but for some reason I’m not seeing it. Maybe you covered it in a previous post and I’ve forgotten. You know me..you probably know my question and it is ..Why? Why do you think that you can’t just “Let go and Let God.” What is stopping you from stepping aside…I mean REALLY. Not something general like lack of trust, but a really specific thing. No need to tell me, it could be something rather personal. Just thought I’d put it out there. You know me, I’m big on trying to figure out the root of the cause…

    • I love that you ask hard questions, probing ones that make me think. And I’m not afraid to answer and to be specific. I don’t want to just throw around generalities and vague suppositions as it doesn’t do anything for anyone. It would be a waste of time. (You might notice that my answer here has changed somewhat since earlier today… and given more time for thought)

      So, the reason(s) I don’t ‘let go and let God’ (all the time, once and for all) are;
      • I’ve been taught to be self-sufficient, self-reliant, and independent. It’s hard wired.
      • God has let me down before, and maybe I don’t really trust him (I know you said not a vague thing like trust, but it’s very specific if we were to chat personally about it) I need to forgive God in order to let go.
      • I’m lazy. Letting go means spending time getting to know the one that I’m letting go to… and although I have the best of intentions, and know the means by which to do this, I’m inconsistent and I’m weak willed. That’s the truth.
      • I surrender to God, then I take back what I’ve surrendered. Daily.
      • I focus on me, rather than on God. See all above statements.

      So, bottom line is that this way of living, this fully surrendered life, goes against my natural bent (my sinful nature). It’s a supernatural God thing that I can’t completely understand, but I don’t really have to, I just have to surrender. All the above reasons are simply excuses. I desire to live this way. The Bible says that each new day is full of God’s mercy and grace. So, tomorrow is another chance to try again. Press the restart button. Surrender.

      Thanks for asking,
      Lesley-Anne

  3. P.S. meant to give you props for taking the baby steps (as you called them) that you have. I’ve heard the advice that if you want reach a goal, then act like the person who has already achieved that goal…could work here.

    • There are a couple of books I’m aware of that offer insights by those who have developed a strong connection with God. The first I’ve not yet read, the second I have. ‘Practicing the Presence of God’, by Brother Lawrence, and ‘Satisfy my Thirsty Soul’, by Linda Dillow. There are many other books on the spiritually surrendered life, and much has to do with living with intentionality, pursuing an intimate relationship with God, taking time out for solitude and silence and prayer. Day by day by day practices of making space, drawing close, being more aware of God in the details. This continues to be my desire. Is this what you mean by ‘props’?
      LAE

      • Oops, by “Props” I meant “respect, kudos, recognition, high five” as defined in the Urban Dictionary…I thought having teenagers you might be familiar with the term, but maybe it’s gone out of use already.

  4. Thanks for your thoughtful reply and your honesty Lesley-Anne. You sound very human to me and I honour you for continuing to challenge yourself. I believe that’s all God is asking for, since He loves you the way you are. I hope I don’t ever give you the impression that I have things all together and I’m judging you. Our views on God and the bible are very different, so I am asking most of my questions as a bit of an outsider in some ways, but with a desire to understand and be supportive. I believe we believe in the same God but our understanding of Him is different in some ways. I’m Ok with that..hope you are too!

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